Tag Archives: twin flame discoveries

The Journey of Self-Discovery

Having read many comments from people who are convinced they are having a twin flame experience and searching for their divine feminine or divine masculine, it has compelled this DF to share some writings to clarify the misconceptions of the many who falsely believe this to be an external romantic experience.  Missing the point entirely, it would appear that many believe the person who is “causing them pain,” is their divine counterpart.  When in actuality, the divine counterpart is the individual themselves.  The journey is sparked by the encounter.  The journey is driven by the search for union.  The union itself, or lack thereof, tends to create a deeper yearning that pushes the individual to seek the comfort of the Source of all there is.  This search leads to more and more desiring and yearning, until one day the real desire becomes apparent and the individual turns their back entirely on the “other” and begins the journey within.  This is where the truth of the feminine and masculine is discovered and the lie that has been told for millennia is uncovered and revealed.

What has become apparent is the level of anger and frustration the majority of people feel towards the other person, whom they say they love.  Noticing this negative energy being directed at the object of their desire, leads to the question; if their love for this person is real, why are they shouting all over social media about how much they feel anger and negative emotion towards them?

Corinthians: Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Whatever you put out will return to you.

Candle is Lit.  Soften the Heart.  Listen to Silence and Be Still.

In working to understand the DM, this DF has been in conversation, read a myriad of books, listened to multiple experts, watched lectures, attended therapy, worked with crystals, hypnotherapy, Tarot, meditation, bought and worked through various courses, attended seminars and workshops.

The work was worth it.

After four years of searching this DF has come to understand that although the answers were within all along, the beliefs, attitudes, conditioning, programming and expectations have held her back from the breakthrough.  Asking, “How do I let go?” “What am I letting go of?”  “What am I creating once I’ve let go?” opened up the space to allow new thoughts to emerge.

How do I let go?  Remembering a childhood memory of waiting for a turn on the zip wire.  All friends around playing, having fun, jumping onto the zip wire and screaming with delight as it whizzed down to the bottom of the muddy hill. Frozen at the top of the hill she was unable to take her turn for fear it would break as she descended.  Unable to move from the spot and watching everyone else having so much fun, the child knew there was something wrong and until she was able to let go of her fear that rooted her to the spot, she would remain fearful and this would hold her back in other areas of life.  All this at age 11!  Taking a chance and putting her hands around the handle, she waited, took a deep breath and let her feet lift off the ground.  The zip wire whizzed down to the bottom of the hill and she screamed with a mixture of fear and delight until she safely landed at the bottom of the hill, like everyone else.  The experience, recalled during a therapy session, helped her understand how fear had driven her life experience.  Learning that fear is the opposite or absence of love, triggered a sad realisation that love had been absent or hidden all along.

What to let go of.  Not until late in life and meeting a spiritual teacher, who helped her understand how to receive God’s love so she didn’t feel alone, didn’t feel abandoned or rejected, did this DF fully understand what she needed to let go of.  The need to find love from another. 

Let go of the feeling of being left out.  Let go of the feeling of being abandoned.  Let go of the conditioning from childhood that told her she was not good enough.  Let go of the people pleasing to make up for the weaknesses.  Let go of the need to over do to win the love of others.  Let go of the need to seek validation and approval.  Let go of the emotional pain and suffering caused from the belief that she does not deserve to be loved.  Letting go of all this and more.  The familiar feeling of unworthiness and being unlovable must be replaced with something else.  But what?

What is being created once she has let go? 

This is where the next phase of the journey began.  Asking this question and letting go of what the answer should be, the DF allowed the information to come forth and opened her heart and mind to receive.  Somewhat reluctantly at first, as there was still a need to control the outcome and a certain amount of fear still permeated her being.  A lifetime of living in fear and living with the conditioned and long-held beliefs that there was something fundamentally wrong with her, opening up to allowing something new and unfamiliar to come in felt scary. 

Living with the familiar, even though it was unpleasant and limiting felt better than living in a place of unknown elements and stepping into uncertainty, uncharted waters, unknown territory with no map, no guide, no way of going back because going back was not an option.  The DF started to understand that letting go was not easy because no one had shown her that when you let go of something, there is a need to grab onto something else.  But what? 

Is there a way of letting go that isn’t all or nothing?  Is there a way of letting go that doesn’t mean all is lost?  Is there a way of letting go that means she won’t lose her balance even more than she has already?  Is there a way of letting go that means she is not doing this alone?  Is there a way of letting go that feels good?  Is there a way of letting go that feels sure?  Is there a way of letting go that feels safe?  Is there a way of letting go that feels expansive?  Is there a way of letting go that feels loving?  Is there a way of letting go that feels freeing?  Is there a way of letting go that feels fun?  Is there a way of letting go that feels connected?

So many questions!

The answers came.  Let go of the outside.  Let go a little bit at a time.  Let go of the outside and reach inward.  Let go of one thing as you reach into something new and then as you slowly let go of the old thing and reach in to the something new you will be supported. 

This felt like the surrender so many sages and wise ones has spoken about!

Another childhood memory! Thinking about the monkey bars at school.  To get from one side of the frame to the other required letting go of one bar and reaching out to the next one.  As the next one was almost in reach, the hand behind would prepare to let go, so it could then reach out to the next bar.  So on and so on until the other end was reached.  Doing this every day over a period of time the practice of monkey bar climbing became fun.  At first it was really tough.  Callouses grew on the hands.  They sometimes blistered.  They sometimes bled.    Eventually they hardened and the hands no longer felt pain. The game became more fun and the next part of the game was about increasing the speed from one end to the other.  Then, the game was about missing out one of the bars and stretching out to the one after.  Testing and growing.  Learning, stretching and becoming stronger.  Remembering this experience and that no one else could do it for her, helped learn the lesson here that the healing she needed didn’t come from an external source. 

The desire to heal came from within. The method was provided from an external source. It taught her how to tap into her own inner strength so the information could be applied.  One moment at a time.  One minute at a time.  One hour at a time.  One day at a time.  One week at a time.  One month at a time.  Four years later! 

There is a sense of accomplishment and a hope that her DM has been on a similar journey.  Immense love felt for this incredible soul.  Only wanting for him to be happy.  Understanding that their love, connection, mission is and always has been about their individual healing, of childhood wounds, of abandonment, rejection and trust issues.  Discovering what love truly is.

Reflecting on the journey so far, the DF is sending so much support and love to her DM.  As she has discovered for herself, this journey is not an easy one.  There have been times and there may be more to come, when it felt like an arduous and lonely task.  There have been times when it felt like the best thing to do would be to give up.  The level of commitment and determination was inspired by the hope that one day the two would reunite and see the level of transformation that had taken place reflected back to her in the eyes of her beloved.  Holding onto this thought kept the DF going. 

At each step, despite external appearances, the DF continued feeling, thinking, believing that it would be worth it and no matter what people said about there being, “plenty more fish in the sea,” the DF would carry on.  Her journey wasn’t just about her own salvation.  It wasn’t just about the romantic relationship.  It wasn’t just about going on dates and having a husband, lover and life-long partner.  It was about discovering the truth about love.  It was about truly connecting with herself.  It was about developing the inner strength to overcome and breakthrough obstacles, challenges and breaking away from old paradigms of relationship, roles in relationship, expectations of relationship.  It was also about developing and testing the skills being taught.  It was about practicing the inner power to surrender and listen to the guidance to know what to do at each and every step.  It was about managing and regulating her own powerful and at times overwhelming emotions.  It was about learning better communication skills.  It was about learning how to set boundaries and prioritising herSelf. 

Becoming stronger and understanding that this journey was predestined, Divinely orchestrated for her healing and the healing of her DM, helped her to see how far she had come from four years ago to this point. This mission was accepted before their physical union and continues despite appearances of a physical separation.  Their individual healing and loving energy radiates outward from deep within. 

This mission, to assist with raising the consciousness of the planet, was not taken lightly.  It was not planned consciously. It was, however, accepted.  Neither knew or understood that the mission required them to be ready, to go into physical separation, so they could heal and transform their wounds from previous lifetimes, childhood, previous relationships, conditioning, programming and limiting beliefs about themselves and about love.

The anger that people are demonstrating towards their DF or DM indicates the anger they feel towards themselves.  As Neville Goddard says in Feeling is the Secret, Consciousness is the one and only reality, not figuratively but actually.  This reality may for the sake of clarity be likened unto a stream which is divided into two parts, the conscious and the subconscious.  In order to intelligently operate the law of consciousness, it is necessary to understand the relationship between the conscious and the subconscious.  The conscious is the personal and selective; the subconscious is impersonal and non-selective.  The conscious is the realm of effect; the subconscious is the realm of cause.  These two aspects are the male and female divisions of consciousness.  The conscious is male; the subconscious is female.  The conscious generates ideas and impresses those ideas on the subconscious; the subconscious receives ideas and gives form and expression to them.”

If you are reading this and you truly believe you are having a Twin Flame experience, this DF suggests you begin to let go of social media.  Take time away from computers, television, newspapers, gossip and mobile phones.  Sit with yourself for periods of silence. 

Take the time to get to know yourself.  Whenever you have the chance to think about the other person, do your best to think good things.  Ask yourself; if your other person is thinking about you and reflecting back to you what you’re thinking about them, what thoughts would you rather they reflect?  Would you want them to send you the level of anger you’re sending towards them?  Would you want them to send you loving thoughts and energy? Do you want a repeat of this experience?  Do you want the experience to improve?  Who feels the anger first?

This DF has gone through many Dark Nights of the Soul and wondered if it would ever get better.  There were stops and starts.  There were times when it felt so painful and overcome with the sadness of the parting of ways, tears fell like torrential rain.  There were times when upon waking, remembering the delicious dream of the DM that felt so incredibly real the DF started the day with a strong sense of connection, regardless of the distance in time and space.  It’s all an illusion anyway.  Perception.

Believe in the power to create.

Believe in the power to heal.

Believe in the power of love.

You can do it!

Ongoing Healing

Over the last four years, the DF has experienced a deep dive into the self. From the perspective of ego, soul, conditioning and programming; a realisation occurred that the search for answers came from the mind.

The ego needed to understand what happened. The ego demanded and desired answers to help make sense of everything.

The heart just wanted to be loved.

The heart was bereft of comfort for so long and the ego was behind it all along. This understanding came from a place of wanting and needing to heal. The heart had become so broken, so damaged that it cried out to be held. In this space of time, the body and mind took over the role of becoming busy. Being busy helped distract the heart from the depth of pain that it wanted and needed to heal. It kept the heart distracted to avoid the pain. In so doing, the attempt to protect prolonged the eventuality of acceptance.

The process involved in coming to the place of acceptance  is unique to everyone. The time lapse is dependent on the depth of sincerity, authenticity, honesty and truthfulness with the self.  Each moment spent in solitude and quietness allows the heart space to breathe. Each moment spent away from silence and stillness prevents the heart from experiencing the sanctuary and safety of the internal home.

The period of externally imposed isolation forced the human self to look at the aspects that were avoided for so long.  A chance to work in therapy to discuss things in detail helped process the emotional and mental self.  Working it out with the help of a qualified other gave the self time and space to explore and uncover new previously unconsidered possibilities.  Taking brave steps towards the DM and attempting to reach out after experiencing many connections and encounters in the astral plane, provided the DF with a new experience of courage.  With each step, she discovered a new awareness of the self.

heart and brain that walk hand in hand, concept of health of walking

Connecting with her own soul, the DF realised more and more that the truth lay within and the work involved was about building a greater more self-loving relationship. Recognising the internal conflict between head and heart now allowing space for the conversation to take place with the self.

A breakthrough.

Stepping back to continue with work started before and developed during union, other opportunities began to emerge.  Reaching out to the healers once again to see how they were doing as they hadn’t been visible for a while.  They began to share more about their work and their personal journey. Their shares provided reassurance and inspiration.

Making the connection deeper with the self more discoveries emerged. Sharing personally within the therapeutic relationship, the DF began to see how she wasn’t valuing herself and had beaten herself up over the “mistakes.”

  • Giving from an empty bowl.
  • Giving to others before giving to the self.
  • Giving to others in the hope that this would bring love.
  • Giving to others as this is what worldly religions and teachings had taught.
  • Giving to others because this is the conditioning the world teaches.

Realising and hearing for the first time that to give to others before giving to the self is indeed selfish.

Once hearing this many years ago and rejecting what was spoken.
Racing around trying to help everyone else and leaving the self last is what has created and embedded the sense of abandonment. Discovering how the programming of pleasing others and putting everyone else’s needs above the self is what has helped drive this dependency on being needed even further into the self.

New questions!
What shall the DF do now that she has accepted it is over? How will the days be spent? What new pastime will fill the days? The Akashic realm fills the subconscious with luscious dreams of blissful union and proposals. Purple and pink constellations float across the sky as they gaze together and share moments of serenity.
Therapeutic support has offloaded the weight the DF had carried for four years on her shoulders, creating a tension and pain. Releasing the burden once taken on as 100% responsibility and now understanding the co-creation.
Living in a bubble of bliss to ease the potential deepening of pain to avoid the inevitable moment of acceptance and surrender. True surrender. Not surrender of the situation. Not surrender of the relationship. Surrender of the control to make anything happen. Surrender of knowing. Surrender of having. The surrender of the desire to reconnect. The surrender of the desire to reunite. The surrender of the desire to reconcile. The surrender of the desire to resolve. The surrender of the desire to heal. The surrender of the desire to live in union. The surrender of the desire to speak once more and to understand what really happened. Perhaps the DM doesn’t even know. The DF has waited patiently. The DF has waited impatiently. The DF has waited and waited and waited. The waiting has provided space to experience life without the DM on the material plane and this DF has discovered a new relationship with herself.

Letting go. Letting God.  Letting Divine spirit flow through. Breezing easy. Life is to be enjoyed. Life is to be experienced. Freedoms once taken for granted are currently being taken away. Life has taken on a new hue. Living through enforced isolation, created space to go further within. Initially this was embraced. At first it was freeing. The enforcedness of it became intense. The intensity increased and fire of rage burned. As the intensity of the fire burned the DF felt compelled to write to her DM. Not intending to send, merely to express. Once expressed, the fire reduced and cooled to a glowing ember.
Once again, a peace ensued – loving harmony returned and the inner being became restful.

New information received and returning once again to the scene of the crime, the DF is now able to look at things with a new lens.  Opening herself up to the possibility of really healing from ancestral wounds,  Childhood wounds.  This lifetime wounds.  Letting go and letting in, receiving and feeling at peace once again.  Until the next round!