Over the last four years, the DF has experienced a deep dive into the self. From the perspective of ego, soul, conditioning and programming; a realisation occurred that the search for answers came from the mind.
The ego needed to understand what happened. The ego demanded and desired answers to help make sense of everything.
The heart just wanted to be loved.
The heart was bereft of comfort for so long and the ego was behind it all along. This understanding came from a place of wanting and needing to heal. The heart had become so broken, so damaged that it cried out to be held. In this space of time, the body and mind took over the role of becoming busy. Being busy helped distract the heart from the depth of pain that it wanted and needed to heal. It kept the heart distracted to avoid the pain. In so doing, the attempt to protect prolonged the eventuality of acceptance.
The process involved in coming to the place of acceptance is unique to everyone. The time lapse is dependent on the depth of sincerity, authenticity, honesty and truthfulness with the self. Each moment spent in solitude and quietness allows the heart space to breathe. Each moment spent away from silence and stillness prevents the heart from experiencing the sanctuary and safety of the internal home.
The period of externally imposed isolation forced the human self to look at the aspects that were avoided for so long. A chance to work in therapy to discuss things in detail helped process the emotional and mental self. Working it out with the help of a qualified other gave the self time and space to explore and uncover new previously unconsidered possibilities. Taking brave steps towards the DM and attempting to reach out after experiencing many connections and encounters in the astral plane, provided the DF with a new experience of courage. With each step, she discovered a new awareness of the self.
Connecting with her own soul, the DF realised more and more that the truth lay within and the work involved was about building a greater more self-loving relationship. Recognising the internal conflict between head and heart now allowing space for the conversation to take place with the self.
Stepping back to continue with work started before and developed during union, other opportunities began to emerge. Reaching out to the healers once again to see how they were doing as they hadn’t been visible for a while. They began to share more about their work and their personal journey. Their shares provided reassurance and inspiration.
Making the connection deeper with the self more discoveries emerged. Sharing personally within the therapeutic relationship, the DF began to see how she wasn’t valuing herself and had beaten herself up over the “mistakes.”
- Giving from an empty bowl.
- Giving to others before giving to the self.
- Giving to others in the hope that this would bring love.
- Giving to others as this is what worldly religions and teachings had taught.
- Giving to others because this is the conditioning the world teaches.
Realising and hearing for the first time that to give to others before giving to the self is indeed selfish.
Once hearing this many years ago and rejecting what was spoken.
Racing around trying to help everyone else and leaving the self last is what has created and embedded the sense of abandonment. Discovering how the programming of pleasing others and putting everyone else’s needs above the self is what has helped drive this dependency on being needed even further into the self.
What shall the DF do now that she has accepted it is over? How will the days be spent? What new pastime will fill the days? The Akashic realm fills the subconscious with luscious dreams of blissful union and proposals. Purple and pink constellations float across the sky as they gaze together and share moments of serenity.
Therapeutic support has offloaded the weight the DF had carried for four years on her shoulders, creating a tension and pain. Releasing the burden once taken on as 100% responsibility and now understanding the co-creation.
Living in a bubble of bliss to ease the potential deepening of pain to avoid the inevitable moment of acceptance and surrender. True surrender. Not surrender of the situation. Not surrender of the relationship. Surrender of the control to make anything happen. Surrender of knowing. Surrender of having. The surrender of the desire to reconnect. The surrender of the desire to reunite. The surrender of the desire to reconcile. The surrender of the desire to resolve. The surrender of the desire to heal. The surrender of the desire to live in union. The surrender of the desire to speak once more and to understand what really happened. Perhaps the DM doesn’t even know. The DF has waited patiently. The DF has waited impatiently. The DF has waited and waited and waited. The waiting has provided space to experience life without the DM on the material plane and this DF has discovered a new relationship with herself.
Letting go. Letting God. Letting Divine spirit flow through. Breezing easy. Life is to be enjoyed. Life is to be experienced. Freedoms once taken for granted are currently being taken away. Life has taken on a new hue. Living through enforced isolation, created space to go further within. Initially this was embraced. At first it was freeing. The enforcedness of it became intense. The intensity increased and fire of rage burned. As the intensity of the fire burned the DF felt compelled to write to her DM. Not intending to send, merely to express. Once expressed, the fire reduced and cooled to a glowing ember.
Once again, a peace ensued – loving harmony returned and the inner being became restful.
New information received and returning once again to the scene of the crime, the DF is now able to look at things with a new lens. Opening herself up to the possibility of really healing from ancestral wounds, Childhood wounds. This lifetime wounds. Letting go and letting in, receiving and feeling at peace once again. Until the next round!